First, I'm excited to report that I'm finally getting some vagabond traffic from good ol' Google! According to my reports, SEVENTEEN people have found this AMAZING site while doing a search. EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT promptly left, but whatever. At least they left some tokens for us to remember them by. With that, let's have the five best searches, shall we:
1. " kids + annoying"
Eh, let's skip that one.
2. "why do spiders deserve to die"
This one seems completely appropriate given my recent post on why I wear earmuffs to bed. But let's break it down simply for the inquiring minds. Spiders deserve to die because they are rude. Which kind of seems extreme, I'm sure. But let's picture it this way: I've broken into your house--NAY!--I LIVE in your house...emerging only when I think you're gone. OR SLEEPING. Then, as you lay peacefully in your bed, your children tucked in cozily in their rooms, I sit back and guffaw (silently), tapping my fingertips as I decide whose MOUTH I'm going to crawl in. People like that get federal pound-me-in-the-@$ prison, folks. Why, then, not a spider?
3. "fontanel odor"
I once mentioned to our son's pediatrician that I thought we could smell his brain through his soft spot. The doctor told me he was "going to write that one down!" I can only assume he meant in a scholarly journal.
4. "say the a-word"
Um, okay. Asshole. What? Not that one? OH! Whoopsie. You meant armadillo? Atrocious? Asphyxiation? Alliteration? Alcatraz? Alien? Awning?
Well, fuck. That list just took be 14 minutes and a two year old to compile. Next time be more specific.
Um, really? You searched this?
Aaand, secondly! Another milestone has been reached at this house. Last time, I was celebrating T9's brain hole shrinking, but this time it's...well, it's...it's actually less a celebration than a full on nervous breakdown, but who's counting! (HA HA HAHA.)
Is it normal for kids to reach the TERRIBLE TWOS at age 2.5? Because it's kind of SPECTACULAR that every question or request is met with a) fits of undecipherable words, but typically ending with "NOW!" b) complete meltdowns which include sobbing and falling limp to the floor or c) hitting.
But, heh. Let's BE POSITIVE, right? Maybe it's just that we miss Daddio. Or the incessant rain. Maybe it was the plague that we all contracted that seems to be slowly dissolving our lungs. Or life. Life in general. Could be that, too.
GOOD THING HE'S CUTE.