Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Nose-Picking, Bugs, Cookies, et al

Girl Interrupted over at A World So Small gave me an award, natch. You feign surprise and I'll fake the crying part, ok? It's the polite thing to do.

Now, this is an award that apparently requires work. Which I would complain about, but since the "work" really just calls for me to mostly talk about myself, I'm not all that put out. First, I tell you some crap that I'm obsessed with. Which--when you're dealing with a neurotic bag like myself--is probably like asking Elton John to choose his favorite pair of glasses. Or, or, or, like asking Bond--James Bond to select his favorite ho-bag. OR! Or it's like asking Michael Jackson to pick his favorite--well, maybe we'll leave it at that.

It's franky impossible, I'll tell you.

Good thing I'm amazing and specialize in the impossible. So, here's my list of FIVE current obsessions:

1. Loft House fucking Cookies.

I'm sure they're filled with instant cancer, and that only makes me love them more.

2. Twitter.

This probably doesn't need much of an explanation, but probably DOES need a 5 Step Plan for addicts or something. It like being at the airport to people watch, but you don't even need to leave your COUCH! I don't think it gets much better than that. Unless you add something illegal. Then it's, well, it's illegal. And I'm a prude MOTHER, so you take that shit out of here or I'm going to call the cops.

3. The things my son (Plus One) says.


Me: [Humming, "We've Got to Get Out of This Place" by the Animals]

Son: What you singing, Mommy?

Me: We've Got to Get Out of This Place!

Son: Oh NO! How we get OUT?! How we get OUT OF THIS PLACE?!

Me: [belly laughter Lovingly reassuring him.]

4. Aphids.

These disGUSTing creatures have completely consumed this really nice plant I had outside. And LOOK! I'm a domestic talking about PLANTS! CUTE! But seriously, these bugs are on the level of roaches to me, which says a lot because one time I was babysitting and I when I turned out the lights *shudder* they were CRAWLING ON MY ARM. I spent the rest of the night with the kids in the kitchen, lights a-blazin'.

5. T9's poop.

I know. It' the stuff us mom's should really never talk about. But I'm telling you, this kid has the pooping issues of a 90 year old man. Do they make Metamucil for babies? Because they should.

On that note, I'll be passing along the torch to the following awesome blogs:

I'm Not Benny: I know, I KNOW. You're like, "Geeze, Kristine. How far up this guy's ass are you going to crawl?" But he's JUST. THAT. FUNNY. And I don't think I've blessed him with an award yet.

Zipbag of Bones: Cat is another one of those bloggers that makes me feel like an amateur. The kind of writer that makes me laugh without the bucketloads of FUCKS and CAPITAL LETTERS.

Some Guy's Blog: I've been reading "this guy"'s blog for a while now and his videos are the reason YouTube was invented, in my opinion.


I know I'm totally cheating, but this blog is a new find for me and really hilarious and even her comments make me giggle, so the extra award goes to Yellow Trash Diaries.


PS: Mr. London--I just wanted you to know that I considered you for this award, but thought you probably would be annoyed with it. So, there's that. Here's where you tell me that it was an honor to even be nominated.


  1. I had Lofthouse Peanut Butter cookies, chocolate milk, and apples for my birthday lunch because that, I discovered, is the perfect meal.

  2. I don't feel like you fully explained why you considered giving me the award, but of course if you do I will do my best to be gracious in return.

  3. congrats!! you're so big time now :)

  4. Oh, and I bought that t-shirt you recommended when commenting on my blog so, if nothing else, thanks for that!

  5. Kurt: I'm with you. Minus the apples because they take up extra room that could be filled with cookies.

    Some Guy: Correct answer.

    Mr. London: I have a feeling this is the beginning of a love-hate relationship, darling.
    Because I like your writing, DUH! Sigh.

    Lana: Now?! I've always been! ;)

  6. Hey thanks! Although...have you fucking SEEN all the "fucks and capital letters" at my blog? Becaue I don't think you really have!

    Also, this award icon doesn't suck. Thank god, because what's with all the fucking butterfly badges? HURL

  7. I hope that either you meant to write "It's franky impossible" or that you'll never correct it, because it just sounds like a super-cute way to say "fucking".

    "Goddamn this franky traffic!! Frankity-frank!!"

    My blog needs more franky and less fuck, is what I have learned from this post.

  8. Normally, I do some serious fist-shaking at the laptop screen when I get a to-do list, but you're alright and all that pish posh, so I'll just furrow my brow a little.

    As awards go, though, one that depicts nose pickery is made of funny, so I accept with a hearty "CAAAAN YOU DIG IT?" like that dude from The Warriors.

    So am I to understand that you are obsessed with poop?

    It just occurred to me that proper blog etiquette is to DISPLAY these awards, so I'm pretty geeked about having something else to look at while I'm perusing my own blog and congratulating myself on my general awesomeness.

  9. Yeah, those cookies are instant death, but fuck are they good.

  10. Those cookies look awesome! Who cares if they're death-in-a-box? We all gotta die of something!

    I love that song, it's a great one to sing at the top of your lungs when you've had a few too many gimlets.

    Your little boy is sooooo adorable! ... you're really not helping my broodiness here, Kristine