Friday, June 19, 2009

Behold! Heartthrobs and Boogers

I used to crush on this boy WAY hard. Duh, right? It was like 1986 and I was (still am!) female. Might as well say I was known to breathe air on occasion. I had at least two or five TeenBeat posters scotch-taped around my room.


Then I saw this. Let's just say it was like watching some kind of sick interpretive dance that demonstrated the unraveling of my childhood innocence. (No, that's not dramatic; it's clever.) I'm pretty sure it more or less serves as Kirk's official statement on childhood fantasy: "Gross."



Oh well. I suppose I've been called worse. Good thing I've moved on to more respectable idolatry:


WOOPS! How'd that get in there?! I meant this!

Happy Friday, punks. I'll be spending the weekend teaching my sons to blow snot bubbles, intentionally. Hey, when life gives you mucus, right?!

And don't forget yo' Fahthah this Sunday! (Is it inappropriate to draw my face with hearts next to another man in this post? Maybe. But that's what marriage is for. Makes it harder for him to dump me. Plus, I'm making the husband a super tear-jerker gift. That should negate my inappropriate humor. That, and the snot-bubbles.)

17 comments:

  1. A super tear-jerker gift? What, like an electric nosehair trimmer? Or just a punch in the junk?

    Or, you could do what my wife does when she wants to elicit tears: remind me that I'm still married and that when I said "I do", I meant it forever.

    Oh, oh, or be like "I'm pregnant again!" That usually causes me to well up as I imagine the piles of money that I'm shoveling into the furnace called "child-rearing".

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  2. I was an atheist until I saw that video. Who knew the banana could unlock the secrets of the universe!

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  3. who knew that james spader would go from that jerk in pretty in pink to the top of my fuckable list in the secretary? good luck with the snot bubbles, that's one hell of a present :)

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  4. TIM: Well, it's making me cry, but I guess that doesn't say much. For the record, getting pregnant again would make me certifiable, ok? So, top that.

    Some Guy: Right? Now, are you sitting? Because let's ponder the magic that lies within the BANANA SPLIT!

    Lana: I blame you entirely for my Spader obsession. That movie. Oh, that movie.

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  5. My concern is that these religious types are neglecting apples. In my opinion, and I assume in the opinion of all reasonable, rational people, apples are far superior to bananas. But there's no way to explain the origins of the universe by pointing to any clear fit between apples and human anatomy. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I buy this argument, but only if we're willing to admit that Leibniz (and others) were (and are) wrong, and that we don't live in the best possible world. But then how do we explain God's alleged omnibenevolence? I think I've got a new dissertation topic.

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  6. i got a perm in the 7th grade to become Mike Seaver. I'm still in therapy.

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  7. And on the Tuesday after the big angels vs. demons egg roll eating contest, God said:

    "Behold, for I am really smart, because I made up smart and you did not, and thee and thou and such; henceforth, and forever more, etcetera, etcetera, I pronounce the delicious BANANA to be the holy divining rod that will seek out dipshits and imbeciles. Thus I have spoken, and am going back to bed because I have a hangover. Anyone that wakes me up before three o'clock wil be smited."

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  8. $100: Dude, I failed philosophy. I'm just wincing awkwardly over here.

    Jerrod: I can't believe you said that out loud.

    NotBenny: See you in hell, sucka!

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  9. I had a crush on Spader in Stargate...
    Maybe I was too young but I totally missed the Kirk Cameron bandwagon. My older cousins adored him though and were always singing The Growing Pains song.

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  10. Show me that smile (OOOHHH show me that smile!)......

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  11. I was HUMMING (hehehehe) that song when I saw the photo of Mike Seaver...

    then came the video...

    then the snot bubbles...

    I feel dirty. [hangs head in shame]

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  12. By 86 I was trying to be as cool as Bruce Willis in Moonlighting.

    My favorite response to the banana defense is, why wont god heal amputees?

    Youngens is fun. Have you hooked'em up to a pulling sled yet? You got to know what they can pull. Its also good training for pushing a lawn mower.

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  13. I'm heating up just thinking about James Spader, much less seeing him in your blog. It's going to be fantasy sex night soon!!!!!!!!!

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  14. oh, kirk cameron, why must you ruin EVERYthing?

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  15. Snot bubbles? Cool! Take pics!

    Have a great weekend!

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  16. And on the Tuesday after the big angels vs. demons egg roll eating contest, God said:

    "Behold, for I am really smart, because I made up smart and you did not, and thee and thou and such; henceforth, and forever more, etcetera, etcetera, I pronounce the delicious BANANA to be the holy divining rod that will seek out dipshits and imbeciles. Thus I have spoken, and am going back to bed because I have a hangover. Anyone that wakes me up before three o'clock wil be smited."

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  17. My concern is that these religious types are neglecting apples. In my opinion, and I assume in the opinion of all reasonable, rational people, apples are far superior to bananas. But there's no way to explain the origins of the universe by pointing to any clear fit between apples and human anatomy. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I buy this argument, but only if we're willing to admit that Leibniz (and others) were (and are) wrong, and that we don't live in the best possible world. But then how do we explain God's alleged omnibenevolence? I think I've got a new dissertation topic.

    ReplyDelete