Wednesday, June 10, 2009

1979

I subscribe to the recall list for children's products because it's good to know if their beds are actually deathtraps in disguise, or if their teething rings have in fact been pumped full of rat poison. Plus, it makes me look really important because I'm more or less guaranteed an email once weekly.

But it also brings to light the stark contrast between today's sense of child safety and that of, say my safety when I was a child. Take for example a recent conversation with my mother:

Me: But this catalogue is over the top, Ma. You can't really think Plus One needs a frigging shampoo visor.

My Mother: Well, maybe not that, but this ear and throat exam kit might be helpful for the baby.

Me: Mom, you're not lucid. I'm a MASTER, yes, but a doctor? No. What the hell would I even be looking for in there? A Mucinex doll?

My Mother: Well, we just didn't have things like this when you guys were little. We didn't even have car seats, really.

Me: What do you mean you didn't have them, really?

My Mother: Well, I mean, we kind of did...it was like a box that we'd put you in when you were real little...but...

Me: A box?

Yeah, so I did some research on this because I mainly wanted to see if this box was cardboard or what. Well, as it turns out, other people want to know how they survived their childhood as well because I found some pictures of some 1980s car seats (a little after my time but not by much).

Behold:


First: Wow, that's a lot of nicely-styled hair.

Second: I fully remember a similar couch and blanket (and pillow!) from my childhood...which brings me to #3

Third: I'm pretty sure that kid could possibly be my brother and maybe my parents' storage shed has been robbed.

But last: Uh, Mother? That doesn't look like a BOX to me! I mean, sure, it looks completely unstable and a little like Stephen Hawking's chair, but it's not a BOX!(?)

Which begs the question...what the hell WAS my mother putting us in? Maybe I'm better off not knowing. At least she didn't let us stay up late, go to the candy store owned by a pedophile, do heroin.

10 comments:

  1. My Mom still claims that car seats in the '70s were much safer than the ones today. Mainly because they were the size of a small tank, and weighed 700 pounds.

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  2. I was born in 1981 and my mom said that the seat they used for me went on the floor behind the passenger seat. She said she hated it so she just strapped me into the bouncy seat and then strapped that into the front seat! Nice Job Mom!

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  3. I remember being in the station wagon in the very back that had the seats facing the back window and there weren't any seatbelts. My mom would always put us back there.. like it was a playpen. now kids are strapped in like it's NASA.

    wussies.

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  4. i think my mom remembers my childhood much differently than what actually happened. she makes up things a lot.

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  5. In 1979 you didn't need seatbelts in the back seat because according to "science" you'd just hit the back of the front seats and fall safely to the floor. Also, in the front seats, you didn't need a seatbelt because you had your mom's arm holding you from flying out the windshield. Moms were stronger back then I guess.

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  6. I suspect it was an old shoe box...

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  7. Least they didn't duct-tape you to the back seat. S'what I woulda' done.




    In 1979, I mean.

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  8. I remember when your I carried you around in that box. There was a ripped up newspaper in there just in case you made some scat. You also had a little plastic water bottle with a metal nipple incase you were thirsty.

    One time your dad stopped short and you box hit the front seat. You were so upset that you messed your newspaper. You dad had to pull over and dump out your box. You spent the rest of the car ride trying to get your pheromes all over the new paper by rubbing your butt on everything. It was so cute. Then I blew cigarette smoke in your face and we all just laughed.

    -Mom

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  9. I have no idea what my parents put me in when I was a baby, but when I was a toddler they let me climb up in the back window ledge and play with my dolls. When I bring that up to my Mom now, she says "Well we managed to keep all 4 of our children alive without all the seat belts and safety seats. People are so paranoid these days."

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  10. I have no idea what my parents put me in when I was a baby, but when I was a toddler they let me climb up in the back window ledge and play with my dolls. When I bring that up to my Mom now, she says "Well we managed to keep all 4 of our children alive without all the seat belts and safety seats. People are so paranoid these days."

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