Monday, May 18, 2009

Wrinkles (and Partial Nudity!)

I've been reflecting upon my recent writing here at the ol' WiTV, and let's just get the elephant or gorilla or whatever out of the room (before he shits, preferably): it's nahssoogood. Rather than hurl myself off a cliff out of sheer desperation and despondency over my writing abilities, I thought I could reflect critically. Self-improvement and all that. Sure, it's less dramatic, but I maybe utility is really where it's at (<---I was totally going to throw some kind of Political Science name at you there, but Google doesn't know what the hell it's talking about, meaning I couldn't recognize any of the names. But if they were good names--right ones--then, I'd know 'em. So at least I'm still smarter than GOOGLE).

Essentially, I feel like there's been too much talk of yesteryear, with the endless pictures of me in my Golden Age younger days, getting all depressed about finishing up school, blahblahblah, and I don't want you to think I'm stuck in the past. Because I'm so not. I TOTALLY look forward to the future.

I am ALL about aging and being a stay-at-home-mom forEVER (read: a few years) and so on, and so forth (and whatnot).

What's that? Did I hear a "Um, whatever you lying sack of shit" or "Sure, I'll believe you, when WE CLONE ANIMALS!, WE ELECT A BLACK PRESIDENT!, WHEN SOMETHING REALLY UNLIKELY HAPPENS!

Well, GOOD! Because I made have some proof that I'm not a sad, pathetic housewife. Really, THERE'S SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO!

Behold:

Here's me enjoying potty-training my children:


And here I am paying off my student loans! That's gonna be so EXCITING! (I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get some highlights and start experimenting with makeup! Tell me how much you LOVE IT!)

Oh, and the day when I FINALLY got to take that Caribbean vacation!


Sure, I've let myself go to the point where I can no longer ENJOY-it, enjoy-it, but I'm okay with not wearing string-bikinis. That's what my husband's clothing is for! "BORROWING!" And I'm so "CONFIDENT" now that I don't even have to shave! And I have wrinkles and GRAY HAIR! And I'm totally EMBRACING it! Look at that smile!

And--gasp--be still my heart! The day my darling little boy gets married! Sure, he's WAY TOO YOUNG and she's totally A WHORE, but at least I'm looking fashion-forward in my chic hat (?) Who else could rock the salt-and-pepper hair as hard as me? (Sure, probably most men, but I've still got the hat. And probably a five-o'clock shadow.)


Then, when "IT" all winds down, I'm pretty sure I'll even love assisted living. Because who wouldn't? They freaking READ TO YOU! And, like DO THE LAUNDRY! And other DOMESTIC THINGS!


What? I'm pretty sure my hair will totally be lush and luminous when I'm 90. And I don't know of a world where that doesn't AT LEAST make up for lack of mobility and fashion sense.

See you at the Bingo table, bloggers!

11 comments:

  1. You have me dreaming of assisted living. Having someone do domestic stuff for you sounds awesome. Where can I sign up? It's free right?

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  2. make a pic with you wearing depends that will make me laugh!

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  3. The censored black strip made me laugh. Brilliant.

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  4. You think our generation of geriatrics will be playing Texas Holdem instead of Bingo?

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  5. the lipstick and highlights were my favorite part. i'm sure plus one is too smart to even try to tell you he's going to marry a whore, but still scary to think of him getting married!

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  6. All I can think is "Marge, when I get old, promise me you'll put me in a home! They even have machines there that will breathe for you!"

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  7. your boy is a bit too thrilled with all the poop everywhere. I see ridlen in the boy's future reeeaal soon.

    you always have me laughing... and jealous.

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  8. Aww, it would be fun to raise kids and teach them to be crazy also.

    lol @mjenks... "and here I was breathing like a chump"

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  9. Prometheus: Yeah, relatively free. Just costs you your dignity and pride. Not a bad trade at all in my book. I don't have much of either anyway.

    Mr. C: You're the dude that shouts "Free Bird!" at concerts, aren't you?

    Mo: BRILLIANT! That's more like it!

    Frankenfinger: Probably, seeing as I have no fucking clue how to. Even in old age I'll be sitting at the nerd table. (*sniff*)

    Lana: Right? Why don't I wear lipstick more often?! Candy apple red!

    TIM: Sounds like a Simpsons quote. I'm completely out of the loop there. See also: Frankenfinger response.

    Jerrod: Jealous? Tell me more! I LOVE when people are jealous of me!

    Eric: It is fun :) I'm just a hopeless sarcastic (not so much a romantic).

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  10. JDC's looking sharp in the faux future! that whore doesn't even know what a catch she landed. too bad about her crazy mother in law though...

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  11. All I can think is "Marge, when I get old, promise me you'll put me in a home! They even have machines there that will breathe for you!"

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