Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Wednesday Starts With a W*

People. I've attended my final class. Handed in my final paper. Presented my final demonstration of how to be awkward while farting and breaking out in hives.

This means a few things:

1. I've got a Masters Degree. That's pretty cool, huh? I also had a baby in the midst of acquiring that fucking degree. Guess how many classes I missed? Do it. Guess for real. I'll make you scroll for the answer.

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You didn't guess, did you, punk?

Well I'll tell you anyway because I'm proud like that. I missed ONE CLASS. The week I birthed. The next week? Business as usual, comrades, because THAT'S HOW I ROLL--like a damn jungle tribal woman.

(But back to the list, Ditzy David.)

2. Free time. Less anxiety. Maybe my ulcer and flatulence will be assuaged by this.

3. I'm pretty much just a SAHM now. This part kind of freaks me a bit. Naturally, I'll just ignore the festering until it results in my eventual meltdown at the Dairy-Queen drive-thru window, kids in tow, Blizzard rapidly melting in my quivering hand.

So-ooo, while I go ahead a re-accumulate all that anxiety that I've just brushed off my shoulder (Jay Z style BOYYEE), maybe you can gander at these here photos I found. Sometimes people are all like, CAPTION THIS SHIT! or whatever, but if you're lazy like me, you'd rather just laugh at them and say things like "What the...?" or "Mom...??"

This picture makes me a little sad inside.


Making fun of dyslexia is not funny. I'm just laughing at the chump's penmanship!




This thing is apparently a monitor to ensure food is chewed properly. No joke.



The original Snuggie?

Also, this is very funny because I like to make fun of hippies. That might be the thing I miss the most about the end of my college career:

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*And other observations I make now that I'm no longer in school...god, non-academic living sure is dull! Hahahaha!
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Hold me?



14 comments:

  1. I know that you'll miss the cognitive research. Now concentrate on buying a minivan and a "baby on board" sticker.

    Congrats on the masters though (seriously).

    I don't have a college degree. But plenty of people who work for me do.

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  2. The Sticker Story is absolutely brilliant. And only one class missed is pretty impressive.

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  3. My guess was close. I predicted 0... Only 1 off :P

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  4. congrats on being a master!!

    and that blanket with the hole is so weird i can't look at it anymore :(

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  5. The only wierd thing I see about the blanket is the way it makes the kid look like he's wearing a doofus cap.

    Congratulations on your Masters. :) (and no, I didn't guess)

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  6. Laughing at the penmanship...

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  7. The Japanese are so awesome it makes my skin itch. They're all "What the craziest shit you could ever imagine in a billion years?" and then they do something weirder.

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  8. So, which one won the Granite State contest? Oh, those New Hampshirites and their carrying freaky, muscled, hairless, oiled men fetishes.

    At least you're waiting until AFTER you have your MASTERS to do the breakdown at Dairy Queen. One day when all my final product was destroyed before I could get a good NMR sent me over the edge. It was nothing that a Peanut Buster Parfait, a chocolate dipped cone and a banana split couldn't fix. Sort of.

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  9. Congrats on the MA...that's awesome!!

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  10. I was never a brokenhearted the day Rob Riggle left the Daily Show.
    Who the Master. Sho-nuf!

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  11. Mr. C: We are totally buying a minivan. One day you'll want one too, you little punk. (Hire me?)

    Mo: I like to think that my jungle-woman abilities are brilliant and the sticker story is merely impressive.

    Prometheus: Zero?! You devil man.

    Lana: Right?! It's like kind of Oedipal.

    Broc: It's weird because, like, WHY. Also, I knew you wouldn't guess. You still hate me for making you play store. :)

    Eric: Why, what were YOU laughing at, MEANIE?!

    Kurt: That's why I keep a Japanese family in my closet. They help me with posts and stuff. They're pretty good babysitters, too.

    TIM: Yeah, that picture is terrifying. Also, I think you should re-enact your meltdown, complete with chemical explosions in lieu of smashing walls with fists and stuff.

    OEM: Thanks :)

    Frankenfinger: Yeah, I'm stalking his ass on Twitter. I want to give him to my husband for our anniversary.

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  12. Oh the shame, I'm stashing my Berkeley diploma underneath my bed right now.

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  13. Oh the shame, I'm stashing my Berkeley diploma underneath my bed right now.

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  14. So, which one won the Granite State contest? Oh, those New Hampshirites and their carrying freaky, muscled, hairless, oiled men fetishes.

    At least you're waiting until AFTER you have your MASTERS to do the breakdown at Dairy Queen. One day when all my final product was destroyed before I could get a good NMR sent me over the edge. It was nothing that a Peanut Buster Parfait, a chocolate dipped cone and a banana split couldn't fix. Sort of.

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