1. There's a body. Well, was. I guess it was stolen by operatives.
2. It looks badass even when dead and bloated (That's what Scott Weiland said.)
3. It's name has alliteration.
Have you seen this thing? Because it's, well, it's gross, but it's also clearly like, what is that?!
Okay, so naturally there are theories. Let's hash them out. From what I could find, these are the following highly-scientific-ish hypotheses:
1. Dog. This seems the most believable, but I'm not swallowing a beak-nosed dog theory without lots of science that just confuses me to the point of submission. Beer or wine would also help.
2. Raccoon. What? Again, beak-nosed raccoon? Also, some scientist dude says the limb proportions are off or something. I'm still staring at the nifty beak. Kind of reminds me of this Toucan bird toy I had as a child. Little beakie.
3. Sea Turtle. Long ass tail for a turtle, people. And apparently turtles don't have those teeth either. Blahblahblahscience.
4. FAKERY. I guess some are saying that the photo is fake or that someone just latexed themselves up a monster out of boredom. I thought I remembered hearing that samples were taken to test at the time it was found or something, but whatever, it probably sounded to sciencey and I fell asleep.
5. MUTANT. This one seems TOTALLY legit. And I'll tell you why. Anyone who knows Long Island knows there's a crazy cancer link, but I totally forget what it is, so if you could spread that one around, that'd be great. ALSO, there's some kind of animal disease testing center near where this thing was found. But what KIND of mutant? The kind that is from OUTER SPACE and EATS CHILDREN?! These are pretty important questions. Good thing I'm here to ask them.
6. WHO CARES. Okay, okay, I hear you, but before you completely laugh off my toe-dip into monsterology, perhaps you should know that they found A SECOND ONE! Oh that's right, Jimmy Beam, and the webmaster of montauk-monster dot COM has this to say (please disregard his inability to use a semi-colon properly; I'm sure he's still wicked intelligent on the matter):
I wanted to think about the best way to expose this to the public. Since I own this medium, and have a genuine interest in the subject matter, I’d like to be the first to share this you. We did not contact any authorities as from previous experiences; the carcass has been taken from the finders or mysteriously “stolen”. If this is a genetic mishap from Plum Island, we’d like to sell the remains to an independent lab for study. It has become a race against the clock as the couple who originally found “Beastie” are diligently putting more ice into the cooler to keep the carcass fresh.
Also, I’ve thought about the possibilities that this carcass may be carrying H1N1 influenza. (The Swine Flu) Sorry, my mind is racing now, but I haven’t ruled out biological warfare on this yet. A diseased carcass floating in waterways around Long Island could be infecting the water, fish, etc. We still need to remember that Plum Island is where Lyme Disease originated, it’s really not too far fetched to believe that this carcass (if from Plum Island) could be carrying bacteria or disease.
That's right. We're talking BIOLOGICAL WARFARE!(?)
And, ATTENTION GERALDO PEEPS: don't ask him to go on your little mustached show, because he DOESN'T WANT TO GO. He just wants to sell the carcass.
Also, here's the dude's footage of this second monster (who looks a bit less awesome than the first). But really, care less about what you're seeing and more about what you're hearing. It's awesome Long Island for you:
P.P.S, If you're bored enough, read through the comments on that post on the Monster site. I especially love the one by a Dr. M Smithfield who hopes that everyone who thinks it's anything but a dog is MENTALLY RETARDED. Also, the commenter who says that what really worries her is that this creature has a mother and father somewhere.
(SOOO, what do you think, people?! Let's bust this open and take that chump's limo ride to the Geraldo show! I've always kind of wanted to pull that guy's mustache pretty hard.)