Tuesday, May 5, 2009

It's Time For a MAJOR AWARD! (WITH UPDATE!!)

So it looks like the cool nice thing to do around here is give out hand-made, original awards. Or I guess people are getting nominated for the reals ones and stuff lately, true. But I dunno. That feels too pure for me. If I'm GIVING the award, there's the whole hierarchy implication which I'm really attracted to for obvious reasons.

Alright then. Looks like I've made the decision. It's Award Time here at your friendly neighborhood minivan!(!!) I just have to think of what kind of award to give. And by the looks of what I've seen out there, I may need to employ my fancy Paint skills.

[Hours upon hours...maybe even weeks pass. You've gotten up to make a sandwich and have since eaten it. You're fully bored and beginning to curse at my under your breath: Oh come ON, where the fuck is she?]

Okay, Okay, Okay, I'm back. Turns out that the GIVING of the award is pretty much the awesome part, right? It's the MAKING of the little trophy that's kind of a bitch. This is what I've come up with in the past five minutes the past few days:

The Susan Boyle Award:


The Anti-Constipation Award:


The I Wanna Be Rich (do-do-dah-do-do-do-do) Award:



And the Do You Want My Cats? Award:



I figure I'll just leave them up here for a bit so you can all salivate over the one you want the most. Plus, if, for example, I make you beg for one in the comments section, then two things happen: 1) You feed my ego (nice!) and 2) I get another post out of this labor of love when it's time to give them away (score!)

Okay, now remember, these are VERY PRESTIGIOUS awards because I'M giving them out and because they represent some fine skills and lots of time invested and stuff. So make sure you WANT THEM.

Also: I'm pretty sure the etiquette here (once you're done begging for them) is to pass along the love by giving this award to like five other people or something because that will make me really popular in this blogging circle that's the nice thing to do.

Final Also: I have no idea how to resize them, so that shit is all on you when you're suddenly like "Oh crap, it won't fit in my sidebar! Does she even know what she's doing? They're too big!" The answer is no, I don't know what I'm doing. Also, that's pretty much why all my prestigious awards are hanging on my living room wall instead of here on the blog. Because I do have lots. And plus, they match the furniture.

UPDATE: Okay, due to my boredom and procrastination OVERWHELMING demand, I made some more awards. Again, you people need to be aggressively battling for these babies. I want to see some shoving, you pansies.

The Dora-is-an-Exhibitionist Award:



The CNN Award for Excellence in Blogging:



And, the James Frey Award:



...Aaand, go.

22 comments:

  1. I thought the google adsense one was pretty funny, heck I think they all are funny

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  2. I better be sweeping this awards extravaganza. hell, I really just wanted to use the word extravaganza. i suck. but seriously... give them all* to me.

    *minus the cats. I am allergic. or I hate them. pick one.

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  3. Christ, K, your work is amazing. The first one brought a tear to my eye.

    I would like the Richie Rich one please.

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  4. They are prestigious, that's for sure.

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  5. your paint skills are unmatched in all of blogdom! now when will the susan boyle award show up in my inbox??

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  6. I thought I had just lost my bragging rights as the "dude-who-does-those-paint-shop-thingys- which-are-mildly-to-extremely-amusing-and-also- have-sweet-double-entendres-sometimes.-But-not- all-the-time,-that-would-be-over-kill" blogger. Then I was all like "Hold on a second, she is not a dude!" So that was a relief.

    Plus, the mannish Julia Child lok alike is pretty much made of win.

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  7. Mr. C: Pretty much everything I do is funny, so there you go. It's a curse really. Like Midas.

    Jerrod: You don't suck. BUT you need to be a little more enthusiastic if you're going to be throwing a word like extravaganza around. These are AMAZING awards!(?)

    Brian: That's the kind of reaction I'm looking for. But I'm going to make you sweat it out just for drama's sake.

    Mo: Was that a "GIVE ME ONE PLEASE!" or something? I couldn't quite hear you over this madhouse of award-wanters.

    NotBenny: Dude, I promise I didn't copy off you. But, I pretty much knew we were made for each other when I saw your blog header. This is the shit lasting friendships are made of.

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  8. Shit, forgot Lana: You were lost in the clamor of begging, my love. Like your dear hubby, I'm going to make you sweat this out. But I like your demanding tone. It's making the other contestants nervous.

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  9. The James Frey one is funny. FUN-EE! Funny.

    I have a mantelpiece for all of my awards. It looks more prestigious when they're ones that can stand alone and not ones that have to be hung on the wall. Plus, the walls in my house are filled with crucifixes and ugly pictures of Queen Elizabeth I.

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  10. Digging the 'Richie Rich' one. $:^)

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  11. I agree, your header banner is hilarious

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  12. Dora is mine, bitches. I'm also in the running for Susan Boyle who looks kind of like John Candy...before the fat got him.

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  13. i like the susan boyle one and the cats one the best.
    funny stuff!!

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  14. I think you have found your true calling. How about another Dora but with her new image? With all that luxurious flowing hair... what?

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  15. The James Frey award is fabulous!

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  16. MS Paint is the way to my heart.
    That and salt water taffy and dill pickles.

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  17. How the hell did I miss this post? Aren't I following you? Wait...you don't have a followers tab. Ok, it's making sense now. I'm just supposed to "REMEMBER" all on my "OWN" to "CLICK ON YOUR BLOG". (Capitals with quotation marks = sarcastic voice)

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  18. Listen, I do it to be COOL, duh. Also, you can still follow by clicking on that button above my header that says FOLLOW THIS BLOG. I know, it's tricky. But like I said, it's worth the cool points that I'm lacking in every other area of my life.

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  19. I don't see any button to click above your header, unless that's a sexy euphemism and you want me to feel you up, in which case, *honk honk*. I do see the "flag this blog" button, should I press that? heehee

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  20. For serious?
    Fuck it. I cave to the FOLLWERS option. Thanks for the feel-copping though. It's making this a little less traumatic for me.

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  21. MS Paint is the way to my heart.
    That and salt water taffy and dill pickles.

    ReplyDelete
  22. The James Frey one is funny. FUN-EE! Funny.

    I have a mantelpiece for all of my awards. It looks more prestigious when they're ones that can stand alone and not ones that have to be hung on the wall. Plus, the walls in my house are filled with crucifixes and ugly pictures of Queen Elizabeth I.

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