But also, people, I am tapped OUT. Do you see that picture? It's the STRESS. Plus, I'm kind of brain dead from this research I'm scrambling to tie together which is why I'm spending my time painting things on cartoons and C-List celebrities in Paint (oh, and myself and my children). But I have this compulsion to post DAILY, like, no matter WHAT. So I'm looking through some old pictures (to procrastinate, really) and am going to come up with something funny to say about them. Everyone likes a good photo montage, right? And a chance to talk about themselves back when they were
This is me and Lana, about four(?) years ago, on Cinco de Mayo. You know, back before children, when random foreign holidays were an excellent reason to go to a bar and pretend your ancestors were--in this case--Mexican. You can see it in my eyes, right? And what, today's pretty close to May 5, so this picture is completely topical. It will probably have very little to do with the next picture, however.
Let's see, oh yeah, this one's pretty good...
This is the dog that I abandoned at my parents' house when I snagged my future-husband and moved up and out. She's got psychological problems and is a nervous eater. That's probably my fault. But also, the people that initially abandoned her at the shelter where I bought her. But they were so much worse, for sure. I mean, they
Here's one I like because it points out that I went through a phase of identity crisis and felt pressure by corporate America to dye my hair blond (and what the hell? I thought blond was spelled BLONDE?). Also, it shows that my arms were skinny at one point in my life. So maybe you could remember me this way.
This little gem is from when I went to this Warped Tour a few years back because I won the tickets while surfing online during my summer job working for this anti-smoking club for kids. And maybe I should've given them to the kids, but they liked mostly rap anyway. I pretty much just went to take pictures of all the emo kids and make fun of them on my old blog. And I guess I'm kind of doing that again right here. I'm sure they were lovely kids, just trying to make an honest buck off some stolen cameras.
Here's me skydiving. You know, back before I was the classy, responsible woman you know now. This guy definitely tried to assault me moments before we lept out of the plane. He's got a good gig going, seeing as it'd be fairly stupid to kick him in the balls right before it's time for him to make sure I stay alive while plummeting back to earth. It was fun, aside from that part. Dick.
Okay, I think we'll end with this one. Back to the blonde phase. But I like this one because A) my husband is a stud and B) once, my neighbor saw this picture on our bookshelf (I had it framed...HAD) and she was all..."Wait, whose dog is that? Is that [redacted] posing with a Golden Retriever?" No joke.
I am that Golden Retriever people. Loyal forEVER. Or until my hips give out or I catch the scent of some stray animal and get lost in the woods two blocks from my house.
*I've added the followers option because I'M TIRED OF FIGHTING anymore. No but really, it should be easy now to get your daily dose of my awesomeness. So fucking follow me, okay? I'll try not to get neurotic and needy and alienate my friends. But I can't make any promises.