Friday, May 29, 2009

A Few Things, Redux

1. Exhibit B: Why my local paper sucks. This has been the headline since YESTERDAY.


I don't get the fascination with this couple. She's a bitch, whatever. He's spineless, whatever. Sounds like a few hundred couples I (pretend to) know. People are all "oh, it's because of the kids!" but shut up, because that's not the reason why 9 million people watched their show the other day.

2. I'm going to WalMart today. I know, I know. The WitV household DOESN'T SHOP AT WALMART! Except that sometimes (occasionally, RARELY), we do. And by "we" I mean, me. The husband will not go because it increases the likelihood that he'll end up imprisoned for homicidal rage. But the point to focus on here is NOT that I'm a hypocrite but that I'm going to be going on a SUPER SPECIAL COVERT OPERATION! You see, the folks over at A World So Small and Mo "Mad Dog" Stoneskin have been embarking on Phantom Jelly Biting Missions. And without any kind of cool-kids invite or friendly suggestion of "try it!" I'm going to do it too. I'm going to try to have Lana videotape that shit too, because that will be AWESOME. We will have three children under the age of three with us, as well. Which I point out for two reasons: 1. This might be impossible or the background may be filled with MOMMY! CANDY! and WAAAAHHH! 2. I think they all still fall under the realm of infantile amnesia and so this can't technically be considered a poor influence or anything like that, ok? So don't call CPS. DO tune in later to see if I've completed the mission, however.

3. I don't really have a number three at the moment. But a list of two isn't really a list. Or, I didn't want it to be lonely. (Which, I completely plagiarized from the Diamond Pewpin' Carnivore. Sure, we've only just met, but c'mon I doubt she INVENTED the phrase. Geeze. You people are so touchy. Have you already forgotten the CELEBRITIES?!)

15 comments:

  1. People ALWAYS say that...'She's a bitch, but I don't blame her, she's got a million kids.'
    I can almost guarantee that she's always been a bitch and he's always been a complete douche.
    By the way, I like to comment here cause I can write what I want, I commented on a blog the other day and the blogger DELETED my comment AND wrote me an email asking me not to be profane on her blog! WHA!?

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  2. I don't think I have ever seen the jelly of which you speak... Maybe it's just an east coast thing. If we had it here, I certainly would be biting it.

    That sounded bad.

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  3. The last time I went to Wal-Mart, it was an emergency stop off so that I could use their facilities. Being that it was Wal-Mart, I figured that it would be better if I didn't flush.

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  4. I watched an episode of that Jon & Kate crap for the first time the other day just to see what all the fuss was about. Maybe it was the one I saw, but they seem like the most lifeless, unenthusiastic people on television. Her hair gave me seizures, too.

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  5. Jon and Kate are octomom without the plastic surgery.
    And good luck with Walmart. It can be a dnagerou splace. Kids being yelled at, very large people in supermarket go-carts, employees who couldn't possibly gives less of a shit, and it's the size of a small town.

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  6. I've never watched not one episode of the Jon Kate 8 thing. I think mainly because I have a fear of taking care of one living being. Throw in 7 more and I think I would just lose my mind. So I don't know what everyone one is talking about or why this is really news. And it's a very refreshing place to be in.

    Kristine do me a favor... when in Walmart...only yell and discipline the children when you are at least 25 feet away from them. It makes all the shoppers impressed with your parenting skills. And wear your house shoes.

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  7. Jon & Kate can suck it. I'm angry at those two for letting the fame go to their heads and ruin their family. But whatevs...losers.

    I hate the Wal-Marts...evil!

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  8. It's an open invite, may the force be with you. Can't wait to read about it or even view it!

    I should probably stay away from all shops and post offices and especially banks for the same reasons as you man.

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  9. Much like I never let a frat boy touch me in college, I think I'm going to remain determined to be the one person who's never seen a second of J&K+8.

    It will be tough going, I know... but it has to be done. BOYCOTT.

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  10. erin: Yeah, that woman has no excuse. It's hard wired. Plus, asking anyone not to be "profane" here would be like asking my cats to stop being dicks. It's just absurd.

    LL: Watch the video. And you don't even have to say it. I know: you're hooked. And you're welcome.

    TIM: Poop?! Again?!

    Some Guy: The little I've watched has always made me feel quite unsettled afterward. Also, her hair suggests she has some issues. And I'm pretty smart, so I think that's a pretty valid statement.

    Walter: We made it out alive. You can pretty much only go there when the natives are sleeping.

    Jerrod: Watching them gives me anxiety, so you're ahead of the game. Also, I went naked, so I think I was pretty impressive.

    Miss Y: Yeah, it's sad, and I'm pretty sure it also suggests that there's lots of them in this world. Wal-Mart IS evil. Unless you need folding chairs. Then they're JUST good enough.

    MO: Go! View! And big love to you and GI for being such brave pioneers!

    LiLu: That is a noble sacrifice, woman. Thanks for doing what 9 million of us simply cannot. Bless you.

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  11. the record sucks for a news source, although it definitely did supply the pick up line that b used to win me over.

    and when you first invited me to go to wal-mart with you, i never imagined it would be for something this amazing.

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  12. As Blogging Besties I totally can't sue you right now for stealing my awesome idea about how when making lists 3 is the way to go. Time for slow motion 80's BFF air jump High FIVE!

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  13. As Blogging Besties I totally can't sue you right now for stealing my awesome idea about how when making lists 3 is the way to go. Time for slow motion 80's BFF air jump High FIVE!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Much like I never let a frat boy touch me in college, I think I'm going to remain determined to be the one person who's never seen a second of J&K+8.

    It will be tough going, I know... but it has to be done. BOYCOTT.

    ReplyDelete
  15. The last time I went to Wal-Mart, it was an emergency stop off so that I could use their facilities. Being that it was Wal-Mart, I figured that it would be better if I didn't flush.

    ReplyDelete