Tuesday, May 19, 2009

And Then I Got Struck By Lightning. Dead.

Once again I find myself scrambling for material because of a) my OCD has lassoed blogging daily as well as nail-picking and child-rearing and b) I feel like I'll lose the few hundred oh, what is it? TWENTY SEVEN readers I have if I don't post.

I was going to throw up this thing I have in my drafts, but it's--GASP--about the PAST and I'm totally never talking about that shit again. EVER! (read: until I get another craving).

Instead, I'll tell you that tomorrow, I'm going to PLANT A GARDEN!(!!)

Okay, not really a garden. Flowers. I'm going to plant some flowers.

Maybe you didn't hear me. FLOWERS. OUTSIDE. DIRT.

I've never even been able to keep a fish alive. And they seem easier than flowers. Then again, there's the kids. Solve that equation, right? But we'll see. I did lots of research look some stuff up on the Internet. And after a few minutes or so, I decided I'm going to have something like this:

I didn't buy any of that fountain stuff or anything. But I'm guessing that once you get the flowers going, the fish or whatever can smell the amazingness, and so they all grab their shit and hike upstream. Then when they find my house, they'll just start digging 'til they hit water and I guess maybe Heaven plays a roll to get the waterfalls going.

If it comes out looking any less gorgeous than this, I'm guessing it means God hates me.

Game on.


  1. Fish and flowers are basically the same. OK, there are a few differences but fundamentally a fish is a flower. OK, that's not quite true, but fish live in water and flowers die without water, as do fish.

    Ad there you have it...

  2. You could easily make that. 5 minutes, tops. Do it.

  3. Very nice- sort of a sweet, paradise-y lagoon look. I think if you sacrafice a chicken by fire, God grants you a lagoon with a side of flowers, but just in case that's an urban legend, I would bar-be-que the chicken so if no lagoon shows up, you at least have some delicious chicken to cheer you up.

    I wouldn't worry too much about waiting too long between posts. I had about 24 followers, and after not posting anything for 9 days, I'm fairly certain I still have about 3 left, so that's all good.

  4. Oh yeah, you get an award today! It's on my site, so off you go then!

  5. Mo: That was my EXACT logic. We're like twins or something.

    Walter: Dude, my day lasted 8 hours. And it doesn't look 1/3 as nice. God totally loathes me.

    Notbenny: I'd be willing to sacrifice my cats AND BBQ a chicken. Maybe I'll try tat tomorrow.

    An AWARD?! Where is it?! You're like the Simon Cowell of the blogosphere!