But now that we're on the topic of questions, let me pose a few for you:
1. How the hell do my glasses get so dirty? Like, smudges and flecks of unidentified matter. And more importantly, how do I not notice they're getting dirty until I realize that I cannot recognize my own children?
2. WebMD doesn't have anything on this one, so I'll throw it out to you people. What do you think it means when it feels like my brain is trying to squeeze itself out of my left temple every time I towel-dry my hair? (Note: this does not happen when I blow dry my hair.)
3. Do you think people can citizen arrest you if you're stealing laundry detergent from Target? Even if you didn't know you were stealing it until you got to your car and realized it was on the bottom of the cart, and by then you were just like, "Screw you capitalism! You owe me AT LEAST one thing of baby detergent!"? (This is totally hypothetical. We only steal from Lowes and Tractor Supply).
4. And, as a follow up, how exactly does a citizen arrest go down? I mean, do you grab the person? Won't they just curse/laugh/fart at you and walk away? And at that point, really, it kind of kills the mood to give chase. That's not how it happens with Chuck Norris, is all I'm saying. And I'd kind of want to be giving off that Chuck Norris vibe (minus the beard, and also feminine and seductive instead of brute and awkward).
5. Lastly, how long can a young child go without bathing before people start to consider
I like to
Anyway, I won't summarize his post because I'm lazy (and I gave you the freaking link; what do you people want from me!?), so you just get to see the end result:
AND they're approved by the AAU! (?) Jokes on you if you don't buy yourself a pair, suckas. They reduce waist, tummy, hips AND thighs! They look remarkably comfortable, too. That is, if you don't have any breasts. Or maybe you're just meant to stand. Whatever, I'm sold.