Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Turtle Kid & Me©

This is a lazy day post. In fact, I might be completely sub-par here for the next week or two. My time in MASTER training is coming to a close, which means they want me to crank out like tons of pages of bullshitted eloquence. I'm pretty good at it and all, but come on. Have you seen my kids? They eat educational research for breakfast! And my cats? Speaker wire for dessert! I CAN'T WORK UNDER THESE CONDITIONS!

Okay, maybe it's all a ruse and I'll really be on a "retreat" to the psych ward for a bit. ToMAYto, toMAHto.

Anyway, I know you've all seen this video (or will at least pretend to have once you see how it was popular like two years ago).



So I did some Googling (that's how MASTERS find their information) to find out more about this boy. I didn't want to be all OH-EM-GEE that's SO FUNNY HAHAHA, only to find out the kid's autistic or foreign or something equally tragic.

And look! Someone else probably had some similar pangs of guilt because there was a follow-up story. And guess what? Now he's even cuter (or cooler, if you will). Here's the only worthwhile section to quote:

Jonathon said he likes the attention. “I’m thinking I’m famouser (sic) than a lot of other people. It’s really funny to me.”

So…why did he say he liked turtles?

At the Waterfront Village during the Rose Festival, before getting his face painted, Jonathon and his sisters stopped at a nearby display of turtles. They clearly made a big impression on Jonathon, and he said he was still thinking about them during the television interview.

“I was just having nervous thoughts in my mind and thinking about turtles,” he said. “I found a snapping turtle there that was really cool and I just wanted to blurt it all out.”


And you know why that's cool? Because I'd have done the same damn thing!

Scene: County fair. I'm wearing an airbrushed unicorn t-shirt with my name on it. I'm stuffing my face with some fried dough covered in chocolate syrup and have an enormous Sponge Bob doll stuffed under my armpit because I totally rock at the squirt gun game.

Reporter: Hi ma'am! How are you enjoying your time at the county fair?

Me: [realizing my cover is blown...this shit is going live] I'm a really wonderful writer! (I begin to gesticulate wildly because I'm pretty sure I may have blown a puff of powdered sugar directly at the camera.)

Reporter: Yeah, ohhh-KAY! Back to you in the studio, Bill!

__________

I'm totally copyrighting that title because I'm pretty sure it'll make an awesome children's book.



7 comments:

  1. I'm a really wonderful writer? LOL! I could see how something like that could slip out of my mouth. I do stupid things all the time and would like stangers to know that I have a modicum of intelligence.

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  2. I liked the airbrushed unicorn t-shirt...I would have gone with airbrushed dolphins, but that's just me.

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  3. b- you beat me to it! i was going to say though that you need to pull the unicorn shirt out of the closet and rock that bad boy more often because anyone who sees it will know instantly that you're a good writer :)

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  4. ToMAYto, toMAHto...

    I spent years trying to figure out the proper method of displaying this in blog form... I guess I will need to get a new hobby.

    Like turtles.

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  5. I don't know what is worse... the fact that the 2 year old video was new to me or the fact that dr. pepper came out of my nose as the foreign autistic kid expressed his love of turtles.

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  6. If I ever get published, I sooooo want to wear either a bitchin' ugly Hawaiian shirt or a t-shirt with an airbrushed unicorn and name on it for the inside jacket cover. Suh-wheat.

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  7. If I ever get published, I sooooo want to wear either a bitchin' ugly Hawaiian shirt or a t-shirt with an airbrushed unicorn and name on it for the inside jacket cover. Suh-wheat.

    ReplyDelete