Okay, maybe it's all a ruse and I'll really be on a "retreat" to the psych ward for a bit. ToMAYto, toMAHto.
Anyway, I know you've all seen this video (or will at least pretend to have once you see how it was popular like two years ago).
So I did some Googling (that's how MASTERS find their information) to find out more about this boy. I didn't want to be all OH-EM-GEE that's SO FUNNY HAHAHA, only to find out the kid's autistic or foreign or something equally tragic.
And look! Someone else probably had some similar pangs of guilt because there was a follow-up story. And guess what? Now he's even cuter (or cooler, if you will). Here's the only worthwhile section to quote:
Jonathon said he likes the attention. “I’m thinking I’m famouser (sic) than a lot of other people. It’s really funny to me.”
So…why did he say he liked turtles?
At the Waterfront Village during the Rose Festival, before getting his face painted, Jonathon and his sisters stopped at a nearby display of turtles. They clearly made a big impression on Jonathon, and he said he was still thinking about them during the television interview.
“I was just having nervous thoughts in my mind and thinking about turtles,” he said. “I found a snapping turtle there that was really cool and I just wanted to blurt it all out.”
And you know why that's cool? Because I'd have done the same damn thing!
Scene: County fair. I'm wearing an airbrushed unicorn t-shirt with my name on it. I'm stuffing my face with some fried dough covered in chocolate syrup and have an enormous Sponge Bob doll stuffed under my armpit because I totally rock at the squirt gun game.
Reporter: Hi ma'am! How are you enjoying your time at the county fair?
Me: [realizing my cover is blown...this shit is going live] I'm a really wonderful writer! (I begin to gesticulate wildly because I'm pretty sure I may have blown a puff of powdered sugar directly at the camera.)
Reporter: Yeah, ohhh-KAY! Back to you in the studio, Bill!
I'm totally copyrighting that title because I'm pretty sure it'll make an awesome children's book.