So this Twitter thing is kind of backfiring on me. I've been following all these celebrities (even though my profile says I'm only following The Monster Apathy, which is kind of embarrassing because I'm pretty sure the dude already thinks I'm a stalker, but it's not true! The part where I say he's the only one I'm following, anyway.)
But, yeah, the approach has become distracting because:
A) Heidi Montag keeps Twittershitting© (that one's mine) about Jesus which means I spend much of my day with old church songs stuck in my head. And when I hear them, it's not sweet Jesus music; it's the sound of elderly, off-pitch voices filling the unairconditioned church of my childhood Sundays. (And by "the elderly," I mean my grandmother.)
B) Apparently Andy Dick is sober now and he just keeps talking about how he has kids and yet he's not drunk. And come ON, dude, that was totally my shtick.
C) CNN keeps proving to me that American society is doomed, and we, the readers are more than happy to read about it. As if their headlines weren't preposterous enough, with Twitter, they've now been shrunken to like 100 characters or whatever and say things like "Boy Shot Head OFF Alive." So naturally, I click on it because I'm all, "I am SO calling your bluff CNN!" But there is no bluff to be called. Shit.
D) At least SOMEONE is reading my blog, because I got a "follow" from "HungryZombies" or some crap right after my fontanel post. And then he was all "brainsbrainsbrains!" and shit. True story.
E) This post has nothing to do with the phrase "jerk box" but I wanted to throw it out there with the copyright and all because it's a really good phrase. And no, you can't use it because I stole it from my best friend, who in turn stole it from a 92-year-old grandmother. What? She had it coming. (The grandmother, that is. I'm just a really bad friend.)
*Crap. Apparently a jerk box is, like, a real thing and has something to do with physical fitness. What...the...?! Anyway, here are the blueprints if you want to build one.