Friday, April 3, 2009

I've Got a Few of 'Em

Man, I'm slipping over here with the posting already. But it's been crazy. Really. So in good form, I'll give you loads of excuses as to why I haven't been posting regularly (my husband will be so proud):

1. I'm starting to get my sense of smell back. Which means I've been catching whiffs of what I deem to be the house setting itelf on fire. So there's been lots of me darting down hallways, hair a-fluttering, with my Kiddie Extinguisher firmly grasped for point-and-shoot action. Really I've just been scaring the cats. Oh, and probably the children.

2. Speaking of children...T9 had his 4 month visit and got loaded up with more (non-autism causing) immunizations. I made the hubster come this time because I definitely let a few tears slip at his 2 month visit when he started wailing, "WHY?! Why would you do this to me!? I promise I'll sleep more at night! Oh, devil woman!" But he's a handful after those bad boys. Demanding baby-type things like being held, the production of silly faces, and clearance to puke on my shoulder. I think the sight of it on my black shirts puts him at ease. I probably shouldn't even get into how I'm convinced the pediatrician thinks I'm a basket case. That's for another day and another bottle of Robitussin.

3. Then my neighbor stopped by with her two-month-old and little mini-dog. She'd come to bring me some banana bread since I'd baked her lots of food when her daughter was born. Everything was going smoothly until I had a coughing fit. It went something like this:

The Scene: My living room. Plus One on the floor, playing with mini-dog without managing to hurt his miniature body.

Neighbor: [Referring to T9] Oh, your boy is so cute! Look at those cheeks!
Me: [Forgetting etiquette] I know! [I make passing reference to cuteness of her daughter.]
Neighbor: Is he sleeping for you?
Me: He---COUGH--GASP--COUGHHACKHACKCOUGH...He...oh boy...tickle...COUGH--GASP--WHEEZE [Leave the room to set baby in safer location than my convulsing arms].
Neighbor: [Nervously] You okay?

It was the kind of coughing where the tongue actually emerges from the mouth a bit. The kind where your face contorts and turns bright red. It was lovely to watch, I'm sure. This went on for more than was comfortable or necessary. She didn't even leave either. I was a freaking leper spewing forth my venom like a water sprinkler, and she's standing there with her mini-dog and mini-baby being POLITE. She's such a better person than I am.

4. Yesterday, I had an appointment for my eyes. Without talking too much about how terrible the doctor was, or how I'll probably be blind by age 60, I'll just share some photos I snapped while trying to locate the office:

Yeah, I had to ride in that bad boy. And yes, those are cardboard walls. I'm pretty sure the floor was also. I tried to get a shot of the "hardhats required" sign, but people were about to join me on the elevator. I didn't want them to think I was from 7 On Your Side or something, only to get violently escorted out. At least NOT busting through the cardboard floor made me feel a little thin, eh?

5. I have to take a test tomorrow that ultimately decides my fate as a teacher and a graduate (that's right, as a MASTER). I normally don't mind tests all that much, but I've been mind f#@^*d a little with this one. It's the second time I'm taking it. I failed part of it the first time. And with all the nerves that accompany this event, I'm also facing the fact that I'll likely erupt into another coughing fit at some point, disrupting all the other test-takers and resulting in my eventual stoning in front of the Student Union building. But there's not many stones there. So maybe they'll use their pens. Or empty pachouli bottles. Even if I don't hack myself to death, I'll probably at least be that wretched sniffler. The first time? I was 8.5 months pregnant and likely groaning every 15 minutes as I got up to take a pee. Now? I'll be a mucus glob, smearing myself all over the common table, maybe swiping pencils and pens as I flow. This is lady karma, I know it. That bitch.

UPDATE: I just went to find this book I have to study from, when I realized that I think a classmate has it. This means only one thing: I have to study from an older edition I have from undergrad. No biggie right? Oh, but THAT'S RIGHT. It was one of the casualties of my college living conditions and is now covered in BLACK MOLD:

Wish me luck tomorrow.


  1. that elevator was disgusting. what kind of dr do you have to go to? i'm worried for you :(

  2. I know. I felt like I was going to get new eyeballs in somebody's basement...B would know that movie. Was it Minority Report?

  3. yes. gross. please call me if it ever gets to that, we'll find a way to get you better vision coverage on your insurance plan.

  4. Yeah it was minority report. You could have asked me.

    You really treat me like shit.

  5. John, I figured you'd be too busy looking up fad diets at diet dot com or something.

    Become a follower of my blog (yeah, that's right, I'm aware it sounds cult-ish and I like it, damnit. I like it.) and maybe I won't treat you like the bastard you are.

    Just maybe.

  6. Wait, that IS you! You follow the COOP AND TOBIN BLOG?!

    Oh John. That might be worse than diet dot com.

  7. Two things:

    1. I hate when you're coughing or choking or whatever and some ass is like 'Are you ok?' or 'You alright?'...actually expecting you to answer...and then you have to do that hand-shake-mid-cough-I'm-fine move.

    2. I think I see The Grudge in that bottom elevator picture.

  8. That sign in the elevator read "Safety First." "Safety First" WHAT?! I don't get it. Is that their way of saying "Dude, take the stairs. Get out of here."

    I'm a day late, but good luck tomorrow!

  9. Is that duct tape in the photo?

    If so, the elevator is obviously perfectly safe.


  10. that elevator was disgusting. what kind of dr do you have to go to? i'm worried for you :(