1. My friend Gina and I write emails to each other that are so hilarious they end up as viral forwards. But by the time they get to you, people have hijacked them with videos because they're jealous of our fame. One day, I'm going to post one of our emails so that you finally, FINALLY have a chance to laugh the way you've always dreamed of.
2. I thought I was so clever when I started typing OH-EM-GEE instead of the lame OMG. But then I read some other blogs and saw that everyone in the world had copied off me retroactively to make it look like I wasn't clever, and maybe I was even plagiarizing. But I read somewhere once that it's not plagiarism if you didn't know about it. I also know that it's not plagiarism if you do it in reverse, like how I'd make stuff up in my college research papers and credit some dude with a book.
3. Sometimes I wish that I was Malcolm Gladwell because his fro is the perfect quirk to temper all that stupid intelligence crammed into his small head. And there's not much to temper mine other than my weird pinky toenail, but you only see that in the summer when I wear flip-flops. So most of the time I just look stupid smart, and that clashes with most of my outfits. Also, Gladwell has a really soothing voice that lulls my cats to sleep, and then I can put them in the closet and pretend we have a dog. He's just out playing in the yard silently right now.
4. I went to elementary school and college with Dave Annable, and every now and then I like to drop this little gem because then people will love me. Actually, not really for that, but more for the boost in traffic that I get from people that are trying to Google images of his six-pack or something. But I totally have some priceless stories for US Weekly, if the money is good. I will totally sell you out, Annabel. Times are tough. (Okay. I'd do it even if they weren't.)