(Uh, pretty much, it's the same as what you read every day on this blog, but I'm not on top of my game enough to work this post where I tell you how, in a span of about five minutes, I gave my Professor reason to believe I'm teaching my kids to curse, scalding them at bathtime, and--oh, that I'm guilty of reverse plagiarism. Though, I guess that last bit's true.)
But anyway, read on if you want to feel bad for
Scene: Living room. Children are asleep, so there's actually a moment for us to remember that we're
Him: So, you have to leave in two hours?
Him: Ah, crap. I won't have time then...I've got to go to like three different places for this stuff.
Me: Why don't you just go to one store one thing instead? Then you'll have at least part of the list purchased.
Me: Was that a stupid question?
Him: Because...I just don't want to do that.
Me: Okay, I get it. It's just not how you roll.
Me: Can you just say it like that for me?
Him: [Whispering] That's not...how I...roll.
Scene: Kids asleep, enjoying a casual late-night dinner over a
Him: Yeah, and, uh...guess what I found in the fridge when I was making dinner before?
Me: Ah, crap.
Him: Yeah, that chili you made two weeks ago.
Me: [Dramatic sigh] I know, I know...I saw it in there this morning and was like, "fuck" because I knew you'd yell at me for letting it go bad.
Him: [Victorious smile]
Me: BUT, I did prepare a defense speech. Because there wouldn't BE so much leftover if you'd actually eaten any that night I made it.
Him: Well, that's because you didn't give me any!
Me: Oh, that's bull. I offered and you were all, "NO. WAY. Your chili is shit and I won't dare ingest it."
Me: Okay, that last part may have been completely fabricated.
Scene: Living room, finishing this post.
Me: I have to give these people something good for having read this boring post. Give me an adjective.
Me: [Doing the math...shitty + pants] Umm, I'm not sure I want to do that one.
Him: You're lame.
Me: YOUR MOM'S LAME.
[I said that last part in my head. He really likes his Mom.]
Here you go:
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.