Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A Day in the Life (and a SURPRISE!)

Inspired by Wendy, I decided it might be time to connect a bit more with my readers. Give you a little glimpse into the daily goings-on in the WitV household.

(Uh, pretty much, it's the same as what you read every day on this blog, but I'm not on top of my game enough to work this post where I tell you how, in a span of about five minutes, I gave my Professor reason to believe I'm teaching my kids to curse, scalding them at bathtime, and--oh, that I'm guilty of reverse plagiarism. Though, I guess that last bit's true.)

But anyway, read on if you want to feel bad for my children my husband:

Scene: Living room. Children are asleep, so there's actually a moment for us to remember that we're housemates married. Discussing a trip to steal from go to Lowes for yard crap.

Him: So, you have to leave in two hours?

Me: Yeah.

Him: Ah, crap. I won't have time then...I've got to go to like three different places for this stuff.

Me: Why don't you just go to one store one thing instead? Then you'll have at least part of the list purchased.

[Silence]

Me: Was that a stupid question?

Him: Because...I just don't want to do that.

Me: Okay, I get it. It's just not how you roll.

[Stare]

Me: Can you just say it like that for me?

[Stare.]

Me: Please?

Him: [Whispering] That's not...how I...roll.

__________

Scene: Kids asleep, enjoying a casual late-night dinner over a romantic comedy The Ultimate Fighter.

Him: Yeah, and, uh...guess what I found in the fridge when I was making dinner before?

Me: Ah, crap.

Him: Yeah, that chili you made two weeks ago.

Me: [Dramatic sigh] I know, I know...I saw it in there this morning and was like, "fuck" because I knew you'd yell at me for letting it go bad.

Him: [Victorious smile]

Me: BUT, I did prepare a defense speech. Because there wouldn't BE so much leftover if you'd actually eaten any that night I made it.

Him: Well, that's because you didn't give me any!

Me: Oh, that's bull. I offered and you were all, "NO. WAY. Your chili is shit and I won't dare ingest it."

Him: What?

Me: Okay, that last part may have been completely fabricated.

__________

Scene: Living room, finishing this post.

Me
: I have to give these people something good for having read this boring post. Give me an adjective.

Him: Shitty.

Me: [Doing the math...shitty + pants] Umm, I'm not sure I want to do that one.

Him: Little?

Me: Lame.

Him: You're lame.

Me: YOUR MOM'S LAME.

[I said that last part in my head. He really likes his Mom.]

Here you go:


Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

13 comments:

  1. What the hell? Are you married to Hank Hill?

    That poor unicorn...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can totally visualize that first scene.

    The rest, not so much.

    The unicorn... just.... I have no words...

    ReplyDelete
  3. TIM: I don't get it. My husband knows kung-fu, so be careful.

    Broc: All true, I swear. Even the unicorn.

    ReplyDelete
  4. what is he talking about? i've had your chili and it's pretty damn good! but yeah, i totally get the same thing from b, all 'how many tupperwares are we going to stuff in the fridge before i have to tell you to clean them out?'

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lana: Time to reread. He didn't say that at all. But yeah, I'm all about buying food just to let it mold over in the fridge. Science is good for kids.

    ReplyDelete
  6. There is nothing in this post that didn't make me laugh. Except the wheelchair on the unicorn- that's animal cruelty, yo.

    But your mother-in-law is obviously made of magic, so that's all good.

    ReplyDelete
  7. NotBenny: You are my saving grace. I AM funny, right? Say it again. (!)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I just imagined him with gritted teeth forcing out the words "That's just not how I role", and it was very Hank Hill-ish in my mind. That's all.

    ReplyDelete
  9. TIM: No need to explain. I'm just a failure. But also, OHHHH, that makes sense. Plus, my husband does not know kung-fu.

    ReplyDelete
  10. The unicorn picture is hilarious! One year for christmas, my 60 year old grandma gave us all glamour shots. Of her.

    I always thought 'glamour shots' was just the nice way to say bolivian prostitute makeover.

    ReplyDelete
  11. ur not kidding that picture is hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I just imagined him with gritted teeth forcing out the words "That's just not how I role", and it was very Hank Hill-ish in my mind. That's all.

    ReplyDelete
  13. What the hell? Are you married to Hank Hill?

    That poor unicorn...

    ReplyDelete