Today, well...I interrogate people more than interview (Me: Well, is the lamp beige or brown?! I've got a couch to coordinate! Lady from Craigslist: Oh, dear. I'll have to go find my glasses honey. Just a second. *Click*), I help chaperone my friend's kids to their concerts, and well, I left that mp3 player on an airplane a few years back.
But I still have a thing for music. Really, I'm just like that kid from Almost Famous, just way older and with no potential or possibility for hooking up with a famous band and accompanying them across the country on a tour bus. (Ok, maybe I'm more like the mother. But shut up. She was a nice, caring woman.)
So when I was driving home from class last night, I heard something that brought back childhood memories (and no, it wasn't a smile that seems to me, Axel). My brain was telling me George Michael, "Never Gonna Dance Again." If it were more than 38 degrees outside, I'd roll down the windows to scream along like the musical maniac I am.
But first things first:
1. Freaking WHAM! sings that song?! Better 20 years late than never, right? Damn. (EDIT: Ok, I didn't even know that Wham! was George Michael before he was George Michael. This is completely disrupting the cool image I have of myself as a child. I'm going to think twice about these posts in the future.)
2. These GUILTY feet have got no rhythm? I always thought it was these TWO feet!
After the opening riff, I was still kind of excited. I love 80's music, and I'm kinda digging on this resurgence, even if it is recycled and accompanied by lots of boys wearing girls' tapered jeans (which would be fine if they did the freaking tight roll, I mean come on.) Here's what it sounds like for those of you who haven't heard this mess already. You're getting the lame YouTube non-video because I don't know how to embed music yet:
Yeah, it's one of those screechy can't-tell-if-it's-Nickelback-or-my-butthole bands. After 20 seconds, I'm just kinda sad about the whole ordeal. The excitement, the let down, the utter confusion. I just drove down the highway, with my face contorted, occassionally trying to ballad my voice over the lead singer's to reclaim my childhood innocence. I'm sure I looked something like this:
It wasn't pretty.
But it got me thinking about music and my main problem with "the music kids listen to these days." Aside from the occasional pillaging of my childhood memories and desecration of my musical idols (kind of), it's the freaking crap lyrics. Take just a few modern hits I've heard for example:
- synchronizing watches to the seconds that we lost (Rise Against "Audience of One")
Rockstar #1: Man, what is that WORD?! It's like, when you make your wrist watches go beep at the same time...like, James Bond and shit does it all the time. Man, that word would be PERFECT as a lyric.
- I don't like illusions I can't see....them clearly (Sick Puppies "All the Same")
- Now I'm stuck between a rock and nowhere ("Do What you Do" Mudvayne)
Were the bands we listened to really this awful? Hello, Nirvana! Hello, Pearl Jam!
But I'm exhausted, people. The act of ruining my childhood with corrected lyrics and awful remakes has really done a number on this lady. In the meantime, I'm gonna go put on some of my 80s favorites and sing along...
Hush, hush...keep it down now...THIS IS SCARY!