Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I Judge, Therefore I am ______.

Right, I said this blog was going to be nicer, but there's something I've got to express here, friends. Because, I want to know if I'm the only one, quite frankly. I absolutely cannot be, I'm certain.

So let's have it, eh?

I recently placed an order to get a framed poster online. $150 for a damn poster, but whatever. Money is insignificant in times like these, right? Anyway, it's a lovely picture, and it's going right up over my second-hand couch to accentuate it's stains and deformed cushions.

Now, the place where I ordered the thing was great: superb website with Flash previews of your frames and mattings, great options, real live American customer service people, and amazingly fast shipping that didn't make me shake my fist at the sky for it's cost.

I get the thing today, a monstrosity of cardboard plopped up against the front of my house (in the rain, with no door knock, but whatever). Excited, I open it to make sure the online version wasn't like 3 times the size and half the quality. I was delighted.


So, I look at the packing slip and make note of the fact that I need to call to get refunded that extra shipping fee, but I'm not concerned. Things have been all-around perfect so far. Then, I look in the upper right-hand corner of the slip. Ah! A message from the CEO:

Notice anything?!

Nope, no spelling or grammar infractions, but nice try. I'm talking about the SIGNATURE. Look closely. Who is this Michael character? The nephew of the CEO that busted into the signature database to make himself a mini-celebrity? A poorly designed automated robotic arm? Perhaps it's a highly skilled puppy who got a hold of Mr. Heinstein's Mont Blanc. Because I know there's no way a grown man signed that name. UNLESS this grown man is, well, let's face it: this Michael character has terrible penmanship, and I cannot think of a single person I know who has terrible penmanship who is ALSO intelligent. I have two, nay, THREE in mind right now! (No, don't worry, it's not you.)

Either I'm sitting here green with envy that I am not a CE-freaking-O for a company that charges insane prices for fake art without having to spend tens of thousands of dollars on my schooling (because, come on, this guy does not have a MASTERS like me...pssht.) or I am...or I'm...


I guess we'll just leave it at that. Because we probably all know that answer to this one.


  1. the signature is very feminine looking, did you check out that 'm'? it totally looks like a heart.

  2. i have to disagree. my brother has HORRRRIBLE penmanship - you'd have an easier time reading one of those weird glyph fonts like zapf dingbats - and he's one of the smartest people i know... just not in a liberal artsy way, i think maybe that's the difference. he's the head IT guy of a huge company and makes more money in a year than i've made since college. and i graduated in a different century. ooph.

    also! i've not forgotten about ya, i'm still working on the banner. soon!

    AND! you oughta fix those "it's" if you want to land a book deal, buster! :)

    AND ONE MORE THING. happy belated birthday!