Thursday, March 5, 2009

doing the math

So by now you've probably figured it out. I'm a mother. (And I'm married, which is kinda related.)

Which means there are a few things I need to address. Because I know the math you're tapping out in your head is probably going something like this:

mother + blog = ugh.

And I DO believe this is a valid proof because, hey, I know lots of moms now and, yes, they're annoying (they, not me). I mean, I could defend the compulsion to talk about poop and even justify placing such topics into Excel to create pie charts. But I won't.

And here are a few other things I now vow I'll never do on this blog (which exists, remember, solely to get me rich and famous):

1. Talk about my kids' poop.
2. Whine about parenting. I mean, I'll bitch on occasion, but I won't whine. Whining isn't classy.
3. Rehash arguments with my spouse. Namely ones where I say cliched and stereotypical things. I'd like to keep him around and not have the world support our demise. (That is, unless I get a book deal like Heather. In which case, hubby, I'm sure it's nothing a little therapy won't reverse.)
4. Confess my undying desires to chug all the liquor I see. Anywhere. Like, even if I'm in the grocery store and I see cooking wine, I want to give the cart a little nudge and.... Ok, I might talk about drinking.

Which brings me to the next list. Things I might do on occasion:
1. Post pictures of my kids. Because this could actually benefit you. I mean, if you don't think they're cute and utterly the most amazing things ever, then you now know that you can sign up for American Idol and let the deaf hearts of our nation hand you a record deal.
2. Write about my kids. Come on, it's comedy gold! I just asked my eldest (2) if he wanted a Time Out (shut it) and he responded by turning to his toys and pleading for their assistance from the evil tyrant in the kitchen. No joke.
3. Use this blog to enumerate the pros and cons of an insane asylum.

But knowing all this, I'm sure you'll stick around. And by now, hopefully I can stop convincing you.

It's compelling, no?

3 comments:

  1. Helo, I am Willis . I visited you.
    It's a nice blog

    ReplyDelete
  2. you've won me over, but i'm easy because i think i have similar goals. but more importantly, i have to make sure i don't end up on any more 'don't do this' lists :)

    thanks for keeping me in check!

    ReplyDelete